Woman puts her foot down and refuses roommate's repeated requests to have her boyfriend stay over, leading to a confrontation regarding their living situation: ‘This wasn't part of our deal’

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Jan 31, 2025 8:00 PM EST

Anyone who has ever had a roommate with a romantic partner has dealt with the issue of the partner staying over. At first, you want to be accommodating, and not stand in between your roommate and their partner, so you say you're cool with them staying over your place every once in a while. They thank you, and they try to be respectful of your space, so they let you know, or even ask your permission before, and they respect your privacy as much as possible.

Then, before you know it, all of that is simply thrown out of the window. Instead of one night every once in a while, your roommate's partner is there almost every day of the week. They also stop giving you a heads-up, and you simply wake up in the morning to find them there, most of the time hogging the bathroom and making you late for work. You lose all sense of your privacy, not to mention more money, as you find yourself subsidizing an extra roommate who never pays, cleans, or buys any groceries. 

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  • This is the exact problem the roommate in the story below is dealing with, a problem that so many women, myself included, have had to deal with. Some of us prefer to suffer quietly instead of confronting our roommates until we usually end up moving out and hopefully looking for a place of our own. 

    Others, like the roommate who wrote this story, stand up for themselves and their privacy and demand some form of justice. Keep scrolling to read how that turned out for her.

  • 01
    "I don't understand why you keep doing this"
    via cottonbro studio

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02

    "My roommate’s boyfriend is practically living with us, and I feel taken advantage of."

    For the past two months, her boyfriend has been staying over almost the entire week-basically living here—and it's starting to feel so unfair.
    via ViviBrazilianGrl
  • 03
    Unfortunately, we never set any clear rules or agreements about partners staying over, which I really regret now. I just assumed she'd have the common
    via ViviBrazilianGrl
  • 04
    sense to keep things balanced, but I feel like she's completely taking advantage of my flexibility. What really gets me is that her boyfriend is here all the
    via ViviBrazilianGrl
  • 05
    time but doesn't contribute a single dime to rent, utilities, or anything else. Meanwhile, I'm still paying my fair share while essentially dealing with a
    via ViviBrazilianGrl
  • 06
    third roommate. It feels like she's gaslighting me into thinking this is normal, and I'm struggling to see how she believes this is okay.
    via ViviBrazilianGrl
  • 07
    I know I should've established firmer boundaries earlier, but I wanted to be accommodating. Now, it
    via ViviBrazilianGrl
  • 08
    feels like she's walking all over me, and I don't know how to handle this without escalating things further.
    via ViviBrazilianGrl
  • 09
    Fri, Aug 30 at 10:05 AM Hey! I just wanted to check in about something that's been on my mind. I've noticed Steve has been around a lot lately, and while he's always welcome, it's starting to feel a bit like we're all living together. I'm finding it a little tricky to have the same level of privacy I have when it's only with you, especially when I'm not sure if he's around or not. I'm really happy for you and you deserve a good guy like Steve. I just wanted to share how I'm feeling because it's
    via ViviBrazilianGrl
  • 10
    11:08 = BY Bridget > Sat, Oct 19 at 5:02 PM Hey! Steve will be over tonight Sun, Oct 20 at 4:16 PM Hi, Steve will be over tonight. We'll keep to my room as much as possible Sun, Oct 20 at 6:08 PM Hey, sorry, but I'm not okay with Steve staying over. This wasn't part of our deal, especially after everything we talked about. I've tried to be understanding, but for some reason, this week, you pushed the boundaries again. I don't understand why you keep doing this when you know I'm uncomfortable, an
    via ViviBrazilianGrl
  • 11
    11:08 = BY Bridget > some reason, this week, you pushed the boundaries again. I don't understand why you keep doing this when you know I'm uncomfortable, and we have an agreement. So, I need to know—are you going to stick to our original deal, or should I start looking for another place? My mental health is really deteriorating with this. He barely is around you. I'm not doing this over text again. We can talk in person. I have been very accommodating to you, I had an emergency this week that he
    via ViviBrazilianGrl
  • 12
    Today 9:58 AM Hey! Steve will be here this afternoon to study with me + iMessage
    via ViviBrazilianGrl
  • 13
    Also, wanted to touch base with you; I know it's the third day, are you okay if Steve sleeps over one more night? We're just sticking to my bedroom and leaving early tomorrow morning.
    via ViviBrazilianGrl
  • 14
    Today 5:02 PM Hey! Steve will be over tonight + iMessage
    via ViviBrazilianGrl
  • 15
    Today 9:04 PM Hi! You okay if Steve comes over? I know he was here quite a bit this week so it's okay if you aren't! Not sure if he's sleeping over, we both have work early tomorrow
    via ViviBrazilianGrl
  • 16
    Thursday 9:04 PM Hi! You okay if Steve comes over? I know he was here quite a bit this week so it's okay if you aren't! Not sure if he's sleeping over, we both have work early tomorrow Thanks It's okay, no worries! Delivered Yesterday 5:02 PM Hey! Steve will be over tonight
    via ViviBrazilianGrl
  • 17
    Cheezburger Image 10460695296
    via izusek

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 18
    elboogie7 my go-to suggestion for this is - if your SO stays over here 2-3 times a week, then you need to go stay over there 2-3 times a week.
    via elboogie7
  • 19
    Individual_Grass 1840 Is Steve homeless? Go stay at his house dan.
    via Individual_Grass1840
  • 20
    ViviBrazilianGrl OP Right? He lives with his mom, that's why, and he lives far away. Our apartment is closer to their work (they work together).
    via ViviBrazilianGrl
  • 21
    e_hota Here's some sh to put in writing BEFORE you sign the lease.
    via e_hota
  • 22
    ViviBrazilianGrl OP Yup. I learned my lesson.
    via ViviBrazilianGrl
  • 23
    KnotiaPickle It sounds like you would do a lot better in a place by yourself. people are going to date others and that involves spending a lot of time together.
    via KnotiaPickle
  • 24
    I know it's annoying to not have things exactly how you want it to be, but it's kind of just how life goes when you live with another person.
    via KnotiaPickle
  • 25
    ViviBrazilianGrl OP I tried to be very flexible, but I reached my limit. It's really disturbing when you realize someone is taking advantage.
    via ViviBrazilianGrl
  • 26
    When it comes to finances, I'm definitely going to impose myself. I wish life was that easy, too, so I could live somewhere rent-free, but I'm grown up, and I pay my dues. So should he.
    via ViviBrazilianGrl
  • 27
    theoseinagape OP, I think it's time to start throwing house parties every time Steve comes over. Your roommate will get the message quick. Let me know when, I'll bring spinach dip
    via theoseinagape
  • 28
    ViviBrazilianGrl OP Hahaha that's a great idea. I wish I had time for that e
    via ViviBrazilianGrl

Tags

boyfriend friendship men drama work bad roommates dispute reddit story relationships girlfriend Reddit roommates money women apartment
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